The woe of a Saturday in the life

My day started last night. We had a friend over for a favor which turned into a casual chat session, turned munchkin (which I'm beginning to believe I sincerely do not like that game). The original point is that I was up late last night, which threw off my schedule a little bit.

I woke up to go to my dentist appointment, which I was dreading just thinking about the huge, painful needle that would have to be shoved in-between my gums and face. After being shot 3 times last time I went (since the first two didn't numb the correct tooth), I was expecting the same sort of situation. Well, I was right, it really did hurt even with the topical numbing solution they use but luckily I only needed 1 shot. And I didn't even feel the filling procedure at all this time.

So at this point I got to get up a little later then usual (9 am) and my dentist appointment was better than expected. Even the copay wasn't that painful. A little win-win-win here. So you'd say a good start to the day right?

We had lots of errands to run. Firstly, I was determined to have a good, tasty breakfast. Which, to me, usually means going to a restaurant. Not my boyfriend's favorite thing to do but we know of this niche/nook place that has excellent custom breakfasts that he likes. Also I know I like the greek omelette on the usual menu. So we went and, of course, he got something off the specials menu and I got the regular greek omelette. And, of course, his looked better and seemingly tasted better than my meal but regardless, it was good. So we'll say a win.

After figuring out coupons weren't valid yet, I crossed one stop off the list and we headed to the first stop. Best Buy. Now, I don't like Best Buy; I've had some experiences that left a sour taste in my mouth. But we found a hefty gift card for BB and combined with my birthday gift cards for the last few years we had enough to buy a Wii U. We both want the system for various games and it seems the most party friendly so it seems like a good investment on our behalf. So we went to check out. I slammed down my gift-cards excitingly and waited for the clerk to return my third gift card, since we had more on the cards than the price. Well as it turns out, one of my cards had degraded and was missing $12 I expected to be there. Okay so not a big deal, I just paid the difference but still a bummer. A little loss here.

Then we went to stop 2. Jo-Ann's. The place I'm convinced I single handily made my boyfriend hate. There's a good sale on patterns and it recently came to my attention I had bought several patterns in the wrong size (including a specific one I bought materials for a cosplay). So I went find a similar pattern to make my costume with. Turns out they had the same one I needed, in my size, on sale. So a little score there. Also the red tab fabric was on sale 50% off. I recently bought another pattern for a lolita cosplay I'd like to do so I hunted for a cheap fabric in the red tag section. Turns out there was a good fabric, in reasonable colors, reasonably priced (even better with 50% off) with a 1/4 yard more than I needed. Another little score too. Knowing how my boyfriend must have been feeling, I knew I had limited time left to get everything done so I cut myself short and we checked out. Even had a 15% coupon. Score.

At this point the score is 7 good vesus 1 bad. Also at this point I realized I needed to either very quickly finish everything up or eat lunch. We were on a roll and I know how my boyfriend feels about spending money out when we have food at home, so I decided to just go straight to stop 3 and 4. This was a poor decision on my part because my mood rockets out of control when my blood sugar is low. But I stupidly do this fairly often so I figured I could keep my composure until we just get through the last few errands.

We stopped at Petco, grabbed litter and a few toys. A quick in and out. At the same time I started to feel less neutral and more sad. But I wasn't able to pinpoint why. Buyers remorse? Who knows. Just one more stop and we're home free.

We hopped next store to Meijer for the weekly round up. These trips are a story in and of themselves so I'll save you the trouble this time. But we had a short list and we knew pretty much everything we had to get. I dropped him to return the bottles and parked the car. I was back to feeling neutral in a matter of minutes. We were getting snippy with each other but everything was under control. I stopped by the card kiosks to collect all the birthday cards I needed for mom, dad and my boyfriend. Cool, I'm getting them all done at one time, no worries for the rest of the week. That took a long time. Long enough for my boyfriend to finish the cans and come find me and have to hang around a little longer while I decided. We bickered but moved on to the rest of the store.

This is were I started to lose composure. We fought, like couples will, nothing important. We were both tired. But I was feeling the burn; I was hungry and had low blood sugar, angry and irritable but also really upset. So we finished up finally and this is when I came out to my boyfriend that I should have eaten over an hour ago. I wasn't in the danger zone yet but it sparked another fight we've been having because this happens fairly often. I eventually just shut down because I couldn't deal with the guilt and feeling bad about starting another fight about the same thing, not taking care of myself and whatever else was eating at me.

We got home and I lost it. I put away as many groceries as I could and retreated to the bed. Proceeded to put the blanket over my head and sob. Why do I have to feel this way? People don't really talk about this mundane stuffy but they also don't talk about when they lose it. It's like you're shamed for breaking into pieces. I mean, looking over how my day went thus far, it was a good day. But for some reason I couldn't handle anything anymore. I'm also not a very open person about when this happens too; I tend to hide as best I can even from the people who love me. It just makes it worse sometimes when there is someone else there. I think my boyfriend eventually caught on I wasn't just being low-blood-sugar-moody Heather, I'm being there-is-something-wrong Heather.

It's a really weird feeling. When you cry it's an urge. I've learned bottling it up has nasty side effects and when I get it all out (as gross as it sounds similar to throwing up) I feel a lot better after. But when I do it alone it's a lot different from when I do it in front of my boyfriend. It just feels more intense but it lasts much shorter.

So after my crying spell my boyfriend went on to do chores, I feel bad for not helping him but I sort of did help by feeding myself some food even though I'd lost my appetite. And now I'm here, writing this post like a diary of sorts. I'm not sure if it's interesting to anyone or if I really want to share this because I'm afraid it's too boring. But I felt the urge to write so I just found myself here again.

I want to do this more often. But I also want it to be worth while to anyone who follows this. So I'm not sure where that balance lies. I'm going to make a better effort, because even though I'm always busy I really want to take 20 minutes out of at least one day a week and just go over something that happened or talk about my mental illness or share something I learned or something I accomplished. I don't know. I just want to write until I feel something's been said.

On that note I think I'm done for this post.

Review: unbreakable kimmy schmidt

Spoiler free (save the first episode).

Years: 2015

Media: Netflix

Release: March 6, 2015

Episodes: 13

Seasons: 1

Synopses: Kimmy Schmidt is a mole woman from Durnsville, IN. After interviewing in New York about her 15 year ordeal and release, Kimmy decides to stay in New York and see if she can make it. Out-of-the-times Kimmy finds a place, love and battles her nemesis, the reverend, in tacky style and humor.

Overall: This series had me laughing and cringing, sometimes in the same episode. The stereotypes are blatant, un-refreshing and sometimes left me asking "whhhhhat?". The cringing really broke out when Tina Fey made a cameo later in the show. The jokes were beyond lame, I'm sure the intent, but just turned me off completely. The rest of the story was being underwhelmed by it. I liked the original idea of the show, and it flowed well enough but there just wasn't enough consistency in the humor to make it a hit IMO. Mostly I stuck to it because the opener is so damn catchy, dammit.

Future: Left off at a cliffhanger for obvious reasons but it mostly feels wrapped up. If not a huge success, which I haven't researched yet, this will definitely die quickly. Being a Netflix original doesn't forsake the show but it isn't getting points for it. I think I heard a rumor it was going to be picked up by a real TV channel but I don't think it will go off well.

W/N: Not.

The tale of my xbox 360 (and PC side stories)

My xbox is not a gaming console.

I no longer use my xbox (Note I'm referring to my 360 this whole time. Although I do own a xboxxbox, it has never been used and I think I picked it up at like a garage sale. It's mostly for archive purposes but maybe someday when I have more time it will see some love) to game. It's an interesting evolution-y, cyclical occurrence that's happened to my poor little xbox.

My original xbox  was a Christmas gift in years past. It was then gifted as a present to a friend. It was manufactured during the great red ring era and could have suffered a fate so foul for all I know at this point. The friend I gave it to and I don't talk anymore so it will remain a mystery forever. 

However, at some point, before I gave away my old one I had gotten my hands on a sleek, sexy black xbox. I'm pretty sure the story behind it went something like, my mom and I were out in the cold for some ridiculous amount of hours in front of Best Buy for a Black Friday sale on a bundle of some sort because my mom was buying one for my brother and I was selfishly buying one for myself. Mostly because it was black. But also it has more storage. Not that I really need that much but it sounded cool. I probably even still have the receipt somewhere so I could tell you what a great deal I got on it back in...whenever the black "slim" ones became popular but that requires effort.

Anywho, some time in college, when I was going to OU, the xbox was actually used for its intended purpose. As a console. I come from a background of a long linage of PC gaming. When I was younger, although we had a Nintendo, I wasn't allowed to play it. The only game I remember playing myself was Barbie and I had to ask my brother to help me jump over those damn water spouts because I just didn't get enough practice gaming. Flash forward to the family PC era. I took to it like a natural and it became my primary source of entertainment. My brothers were as tech savvy as you needed to be to download porn, of course, but generally I learned more about computers than anyone else in my family. There was the great bios wars where I got fed up with them slowing down the computer with all their activities that I locked it down with a password as an admin. But it escalated to one of them locking it down with a password in the bios and reset with a new password on the admin account. Eventually, although incredibly annoying because I was locked out, I did learn how to reset it and locked it down from the bios myself without a work around. Long story short, I used the PC a lot. 

Somewhere around my first boyfriend times (because it's easy to measure time in boyfriends sense I have such a crappy sense of time) I learned about World of Warcraft. He gave me a beta invite and it was all down hill after that. To spare you the details, I continued the trend well after him and was the first to introduce my fellow high school friends to WoW. It was a lot more fun with a guild, friends and all that jazz.

The xbox has a pick-me-up put-me-down history with me. During the third boyfriend years I received a copy of Battlefield 2. I was never a fan of FPS games but I wanted to play games with friends so I gave it a try. I sucked, like really bad. But even though I got really frustrated, I continued to play even without my boyfriend and his friends. I eventually got really good at it and began topping the charts. I was by no means famously good at the game but it felt good to not always be the last player on the board. I stopped playing the xbox after we broke up but I wasn't done with it forever.

I did other things and picked up the xbox back up solely because I wanted to play games with my friends. I met a good friend in an anthropology class of whom introduced me to a friend, we'll call him John. John introduced me to some of his friends who avidly played xbox games. So eventually I picked up a copy of Gears of War 3 under the peer pressure. I wasn't great at it but I wasn't too terrible due to my practice from battlefield. It had a similar feel so I started to gradually get better and better at it as time went on. I formed a tight bond with my xbox friends and we were playing on a weekly+ basis. I branched out into other games and eventually moved away from co-op FPS. I began RPGs, something I wasn't able to really do before. I really liked the xbox at that point. I was paying for a gold membership without much complaint. Then college ended, people weren't on a regularly. We weren't able to keep the bond going. I kept playing by myself but it wasn't as much fun.

Then the fourth boyfriend period happened. I moved in with him in haste and had a lot of free time; I was still in school for my second degree and unable to find a full time job. I did have a part time gig but the drive was becoming cumbersome so I quit to pursue school more avidly and try to find an internship in my new field. I was excited there was someone else I could try to play games with again so I immediately set up the xbox. He wasn't so into it so I played solo again after a short period of time. He convinced me to play WoW again and the xbox slowly faded away into it's little niche on the entertainment center. At the time we had had a media center set up on an unused PC so we didn't need console for entertainment purposes such as Netflix or media we had on our PCs.

That time ended. I quit WoW again and dedicated myself to mostly nothing. Eventually I went back to school for a software engineering degree again and that took up most of my time or at least I made it take up my time. I met my best friend, a not-so-video-game-player, and continued to devote my time to school. This is really when the board game age began (and will probably never end). But that's for another time.

The fifth and current boyfriend chronology began sometime in the middle of the board game night blitz and D&D revival (again, another story). Seeking common ground in the gaming realm, I tried League of Legends for the second time. I had a horrible first experience, playing on my own, without any guidance against people who drove me out with their "noob" banter. Nonetheless, I tried again. This is when the PC came back into play again. I was able to branch out with my steam account of which I began hoarding games that went on sale but never played (bought too mannnnyy gammesss...) but who doesn't do that? Although I'm not proud to say I feel 0% better at it then when I started, it's still a common staple in my gaming day-to-day. It's funny how gaming has made me so many friends and yet how hard it is to find NEW friends to game with.

Now to the point and probably only sentence I had to write about this post. Essentially my xbox has became a media center. I don't have a gold membership anymore, I long let that lapse. All I ever do is watch Netflix, Hulu (when I borrowed an account), HBO GO, Amazon Prime, CrunchyRoll (when we begged for weekend passes) and YouTube. I also have silly windows media center set up on it to watch movies. Atop the shelf sit many a game, some yet to see the light of LED, softly weeping as I currently watch a documentary about YouTubbers on Netflix. Perhaps there will be another period of time of which the xbox will rise from the ashes and restore itself to its former glory, taking the omnipotent place of king of the gaming platforms (of my little world). But for now I'm content to use it for my mindless streaming of all things watchable, good and bad.

With that I tip my hat to you and continue to watch my randomly selected documentary before I adult myself into dinner and play another round of LoL just for funizies because I already got my Win of the Day.

Sunday, sunday, sunday: Super Fight!

The day after a mediocre house warming is making me feel a bit sad. We stopped really early on in the night and I got a headache/too tired too quickly. I basically scurried away to the bedroom at 11:30. Waited all week, prepared all day just to turn around and hit the hay early. It just puts so much disappointment on myself that I couldn't handle being with people as much as I love to play games and be with my friends.

On the flip side, we did get the chance to play a new game called Super Fight. I'm pretty jealous my friend got the promo for free but glad someone in the group has their hands on it because it's actually a pretty fun game. So to review what little bit of playing we did do, I'd rate it 7/10.

Not a particularly meaty game, it's a lot like CAH or A-channel but everyone's a judge instead of one person. Also it seems HIGHLY customizable for house rules (as well as actual other set rules to vary the game play). Since you play 1 round from each hand and entirely discard I think it also helps to stave off the 'stale hand' problem of ending up with a hand of junk. You tend to want to play the best cards from your hand right away since those leftovers will be going into the discard pile anyway which makes it more interesting. Even if you do have to throw off, it's only for one round.

Replay value seems high as there are A LOT of cards, although discarding your hand makes you more familiar with the cards faster, it doesn't diminish the replay value because with good shuffling, the combinations won't get stale. You might have a card you know is in there and you'd love to play it but this game you just didn't get a good combo. The next (shuffled) game around you will have the chance to play it all over again but we possibly better cards.

Also I would be amiss if I didn't mention this game includes BLANK CARDS. A crowd favorite. The only downside I see to blank cards is that they typically end up game group specific. You play with the same group of people, inside jokes are bound to ensue. These end up as cards. You try the game out with a different group of friends and no one is named Shane, it leaves everyone else begging to question "what's so great about Shane's literal penis?" Still, as long as there is opportunity to buy more blank cards in the future (because making your own cards from stock are far too obvious) you will be in a good spot for tailoring your game experience to group attendance which tends to just make the game better.

So that being said, why only a 7? It's a what I like to call a 'light card' game. Meaning it won't have much value unless the group actually WANTS to play. Much like CAH, you can't force a group to play it or it will just crumble and die to the sweet allure of DBZ abridged playing in the background. Unlike games that include pieces to play beyond cards, it's a light pick-me-up game that anyone can join at any time but requires little time investment and little interest because you can actually just throw some combo of cards and still win, which kills game play for me, personally. I like to see people excited about their choices, second guessing their hand and sneaking advice from the player next to them because their cards are just too good to choose from.

http://www.superfightgame.com/

So I'm 2/3 in terms of posting goals. I'll keep trying to make the effort to hit Sundays and then increase from there. I'm not sure how interesting things like "look at what I cooked!" "look at what I painted!" would be but I may have to add some filler like that because my weeks aren't terribly interesting, especially the ones I have to work evenings. Either way I will make an effort to actually go out and do things with people or just the bf so I have something to talk about.

Thanks for reading!

Feelings, updates and general journaling

It's a new year, a new attempt. Let's try this again. Re-re-opening of a blog. I'm going to try small. Couple sentences a day when I get home from work so probably mostly work anecdotes but we'll branch out from there. Today I'm just going to start with how I'm feeling:

Tired, tasked but loved and content.

Why?

Tired because we were up until around 4 am last night entertaining some friends for a D&D session (started at 3pm) turned dirty board game laughter fest. In our roleplaying interlude (10pm) we had a funny story trying to find an open Bdubs near our new home just to end up at the nearest location to my old homestead. My friends wanted to watch the big UFC fight with Rosy and they knew Bdubs was a "free" place to do it. I was happy to go with them because, wangs. Who doesn't want wangs on a Saturday night after a few pints of delicious Final Absolution? Yes wangs, not wings. Heh. We ended up stuck and unable to sit down because there was a curfew and not everyone had their IDs due to unpreventable reasons (not just because we're lazy). So we ended up ordering out and hanging out in the lobby and the car until the 2 second fight actually happened and then left to play a few more games. All in all, I think it was a funny story we gained, scrambling around to find a place to watch the fight just to be shut down by the perky hostess who was only checking a select few IDs (of which we happened to be the minority) and the solution to hang like flys because by god damn, we were going to watch that paperview fight (because who pays that? That's right, no one)!

Tasked because we have a lot of cleaning up to do. Having the first session of friends over for gaming, specifically the involved D & D type gaming has brought to my attention we still have need for some things such as a folding table or two. We thought our 8 person (compromised from a 6 person model) table would be good enough for the 5-6 people committed to such sessions but it seems the need for flat surface space is more. So I'm making a side note to myself to find a cheap way to get more (small) tables. Maybe building them out of lumber would be cheapest? (But storage is a personal concern, although we have some space I don't want to clutter which I already feel is happening...) Anyway it just boils down to having to put everything back in its home and cleaning up some stuff we didn't get to yesterday; namely the bedroom and office.

Loved because we woke up late to try to compensate those 10 hours I need per night so we got a lazy start to the day. But without even having to ask (although it was implied when we actually went to sleep because I pulled the bread out of the freezer last night) but basically without having to ask Matt made me french toast. It was simple, cheap and delicious. Doing that, even though it's actually simple enough for me to do it and I would have, makes me feel loved and taken care of.  I think I tell him enough that I appreciate all he does but I feel it has gotten a little muddled with the insanity of moving and the uncertainty of figuring out our roles since we not only moved, but moved in together for the firs time. But that's another story.

Content because it's finally happened. A big piece of my life has fallen into place and I'm actually pretty happy with the result. Of course no place is perfect, there are a few major flaws with this place. The basement is too cold in the winter (but I'm sure will be lovely in the summer); it's cold upstairs so the heating bill isn't the greatest but like I can't find anything else that is really worthy of complaining about. And I got to move in with the person I love and we get to take another step in our relationship to see how things work out and we can get stronger at working things out.

026: Out with the old, in with the new

BinAh yes. The cliche of every new year. That mandatory period of promising yourself you will actually get SOMETHING done in the new year, provided you survive it. In spirit of following the masses I have started my own resolution list. Hopefully it is different and I can keep to it with the help of some friends who will constantly yell at me until I make good on myself...haha...

Short Term:

1. Read 6 books (1 year)
2. Read 52 scholarly journal articles (52 weeks)
3. Read Song of Fire and Ice (1 year)
4. Read the Hunger Game Series (1 year)
5. Watch 52 films (52 weeks)
6. Watch 12 new films (12 months)
7. Lose *mumble mumble mumble* pounds (something like 20 lbs) (1 year)
8. Learn one new programming language (1 year)
9. Save 10% of each check biweekly (26 weeks)
→Jan 2:
→Jan 1: 63.86
→2013: 432.82
10. Log my eating habits once a week (52 weeks)
11. Maintain mint.com account once a week (52 weeks)
12. Update all profiles (linkedin etc)
13. Blog once a week (52 weeks)
14. Post a day on LAGGG facebook (365 days)
15. Art project (12 months)
16. Program per programming language (C++, Java, Visual C#; 1 year)
17. Mobile application (1 year)
18. Log weight (52 weeks)

Long Term:

1. Figure out healthcare
2. Budget & stick to it
3. Update resume
4. Go to Chicago
5. Gen Con (Aug 14-17)
6. Zoo
7. PAX (Apr 11-13)
8. Motor city comic con (May 16-18)
9. JAFAX 19 (June 21-22)
10. Youma con (Oct 30 - Nov 2)
11. Midwest media expo (Apr 25-27)

Will update as I think of more. Cut off for myself to add items to the list is end of January.

025: The good 'ol college days

Let me explain. When I went away to MSU when I started college I was put in something called "transitional" housing. They over booked roommates into one  room. This is even though I submitted a specific roommate request from someone I knew in college, I submitted it ON TIME mind you. But that didn't up working out. So anyway, one of us had to go, get reasaigned to another room or dorm. I had contacted the two other girls in my room weeks and weekz before we were all moving in. I had explicitly asked them not to build lofts before we all got there in case we didn't know who wanted what. Well once I got there I had found out they both moved in early, already built the loft and decided I was the one who had t o move out. So I lived out of boxes for two weeks before the college could find me a suitable replacement room. Looking back on it now I could have probably fought for a single room but I'm not upset things workes out the way they did.

They eventually found me a suitable room....in an all girls dorm. You can imagine my disappointment to learn that I wasn't going to be sharing a floor woth boys (tee hee). I actually got to move inyo the second biggest room on the floor, smack dab in the middle of the floor, with a beautiful bay window. My roommaye, Becky was really nice and we hit it off. The best part was that she was also gamer and.....she shares my love of Mario Party! Needless to say, our room was open season for any wanderers to come in, almost every night, for a Mario Party smackdown. Eventually we formed a prettt regular group of players. It was really fun. I eventually met one of my best friends, she actually live kiddy corner to my room on the same floor. I remember most everyone complained about my superior mini game skills. :P

I also remember the calculations we always made regarding how many stars everyone had before the game ended (including stars earned by most coins, most red spaces etc.). It's just a very fond memory of mine. So the picture relates how everyone basically felt about each other after a particularly rough session.

I miss everyone I connected to but I will always remember the Mario Parties we had.