I think a lot of my relationships throughout my childhood were forged on too thin of wires. I can merry-go-round in my head each of my "best friends" and how they had inevitably hurt me. Early on, before the tween and teen years I remember being alone a lot. I don't remember my brothers before the drugs so I can't say if we ever played together. But I remember being alone, playing with my littlest petshop toys (which in the 90s were very different than they are now; back then they were more of a choking hazard). I used to talk to myself. Making up stories and acting out the parts. In all honesty and disclosure, I wasn't a normal kid. I ate dirt when I was little and I was acting out sex scenes by myself early on (maid, dungeon, submissive stuff). I think middle school days? Maybe TMI but my sexuality wasn't discussed much and my libido was off the charts (probably partly side effects of bipolar, partly just being young and enjoying the feelings that came with it). Whoa that took a weird turn. I guess now that I'm confessing I should say I was really weird because I acted out my aggression by going through a biting phase. I remember my closet down fell on me and I bit it. I bit a closet door. Inanimate, non-pain feeling object. I bit my brothers too. I got in trouble for that though.
Actually I have this little side story coming back to my early, early years. I remember when I was in pre-school, at the first pre-school not the second one, the religious one. We were playing on the playground, which was basically some trees a merry-go-round and a slide with a look up platform.
Side, side story related to pre-school, that's were I had my first kiss on the slide outpost. His name was Tommy. I don't remember his face but I remember we got along because I was a tomboy and like to play in the dirt. I remember looking up each others' noses and laughing. It's so stupid, insignificant but I'm smiling right now as I write about it. My mom had exchanges numbers with his mo so we could see each other over the summer but somehow the paper got washed in my mom's pants. It couldn't be salvaged. Ah well, I firmly believe all your "firsts" aren't special. It's impossible to get the timing out right.
Anyway getting back to my littlest petshop story, on a particularly rainy day I had my favorite littlest petshop with me. I don't remember his name maybe it was Mr. Lizard, if I went through my brain filing cabinet I probably still wouldn't remember. Anyway he was the lizard one, obviously. I was playing by the sewer drains and I dropped him. Oh how I remember I tried EVERYTHING to get him back. I could see him but I couldn't reach far enough with my little arms. I tried hooking him on a stick, tried putting so many things down there. I cried and cried and cried. I even had my mom take me back up to the parking lot after school and we tried to find him but by then he'd been washed away. Swept up by the water. When I finally accepted he was gone I had a little funeral. There were flowers involved. A typical little kid ritual I'm sure (or maybe not, I was a strange one).
Then:
(God I REMEMBER having these specific ones. I had so many...)
Now:
(this is literally the one she got me)
Related side story, when I went off to college my mom bought me a littlest petshop lizard in a little tiny tank. But this was the 2000-2010s version. So it wasn't the same but, it got to me. You know? The strong memory and then my mom remembering what had happened when I was in single digits. I treasure that feeling and I still have that damn lizard exactly where I can find him when I need him.
So back to my original intention for this post. I think I might have a problem. I mean, I don't hoard stuff per-say, I do have some mementos (a very small gold box under the bed filled with random stuff) but for whatever reason I am highly focused on making memories with my boyfriend. I will go out of my way for a photo-booth (there's probably a word for that obsession but a simple first page google didn't tell me). Mostly I go out of my way for a picture or a photo-booth picture to mark the event in my time line.
We're at Great Lakes mall? THEY HAVE 2 PHOTO-BOOTHS (and it's thanksgiving time? that makes two strips mandatory)! It's Christmas Eve? There's a photo-booth at the movie theater we're going to? That works out PERFECTLY? We're on a trip? Must find one photo-booth before we go home (In Austin we took 3 and one of them has a really funny story behind it).
I'm also collecting mini Buddhas and related statues from trips. I have one from our first trip to the Renaissance festival in Michigan, one from our Chicago trip in Chinatown and another from the ren fair when we visited my best friend in Texas. They're small and I don't get them for their religious symbolism. I just like those little Buddhas and it's a cheap easy thing to collect. My mom's bought me a few from garage sales pre-boyfriend but I like to collect them on trips now.
Actually now I'm lost in my own post. I don't remember my intent for this post. I just sort of went off on tangents the whole time. Well, I have since collected 9 different photo-booth strips (from our first date to this past Xmas eve; I was very upset we didn't get one for Valentine's day this year). I still get really pissed when he won't go out of the way with me to grab a strip. I mean yeah it's probably annoying and a rip off for $5 a pop but it means so much to me. I have 3 little Buddhas total from trips thus far. And aforementioned memory box which is like 12" x 12" 12" cube shape. Probably a little smaller. It's not filled yet. And we've been together over 2 and half years now of which I think beats my prior record, so this one's a keeper.
Blurbably blurb. I'm going to try to be more active here. I KNOW, I KNOW. I always say that. But I seem to be getting better at it. The thing is I don't really want this to be a Geeky Gamer Girl blog anymore. I want it to be my personal posts like this one. I don't know. I need to just do the posts.
Keep an eye out for the Kizumoinogatari review, Dead Pool review and Ipsy/birchbox/Gamergirl unboxings. Maybe someday I'll get a cam and youtube it if I can stomach editing a video of myself.
